"PAARRADE, HO"

(The photo is "Passing Out" at HMS RALEIGH or "Passing In" as they now call it.)

Part One Basic training at Raleigh was an utter ball ache. Day 2 Rise and Shine to the clatter of a spittoon getting hurled down the polished floors. "Right you fucking lot you've got 30 mins to get shit, showered, shaved, dressed and fell in for your inductions". "Well fucking move it then". We fell in and were marched down for our hair cuts. My instructor said to me, "Oi Paddy do you wanna keep those locks of yours"? "Yes thanks". "Well take a fucking plastic bag with you" he said. Wanker! I suppose I did bring it apon myself as my hair was fairly lenghty sitting on my shoulders.

The training staff were all being relatively nice, up to a point. That point happened to be when you signed the dotted line for 22 years at the end of day 2. The ink hadn't even dried on your Official Secrets act when the bollockings began. These bollockings were all in the name of "character building". Mind you no-one could give a face melting man's bollocking or with as much humour like the PTI's.

I remember one of the days in the Gym when one of the lads scratched his nuts when we were told to stand still. The Duty PTI was a female LPTI, She shouted, "Did you ask me permission to scratch your nuts"? "No staff" "That' fucking right, No"! Well while your scratching your nuts the rest of your class mates can do grid sprints till I tell you to stop scratching your nuts, hows that"? "Yes staff". Grrrreat! Theres nothing like doing more Phys for someone else's ball's-up. If nothing else it teaches you a little teamwork.

Drill training is a drain on your mind. What can be difficult about walking in a straight line as a squad? Christ!, when you haven't done it before it's a nightmare. It's so infurriating when you balls it up. The Drill Instructors would call out the step: "Left...... Left......,Left Right Left, I said Fucking left lofty how fucking stupid are you that you dont know your left from right"?

"SQUAD HALT"! "Right every fucking one of you when I tell you, you are to run back to your mess and paint an "L" on the toe of your left boot and an "R" on the toe your right boot using plimsole whitener and you are to be back here fell in and switched on for Drill in 10 minutes. "DO NOT LEAVE ANYONE BEHIND........STANDBY.......GO".

Trust me 10 mins isn't long when you've got to run 400 yards to your block and wait in turn to paint your boots with whitener when you only have 4 pots to go round 30 of us and get back to the parade ground as a squad, but they knew that.

We must've been good that day because we finished drill early or at least early enough to do a few laps around the parade ground with our SLR at high port arms, all in the name of character building of course.

R.I.P PEPSI

I was chatting to my Wee Sister yesterday and she told me that my Mum's wee westie Pepsi had died. As far as I am aware there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Pepsi was 16 years old and when I seen her last which was a few months ago she needed glasses more than I did and her mobility had all but left her. I remember when she arrived all those years ago, she looked like a busted pillow, all white and fluffy. Well, she'll be biting the balls off gods postie now,"BooHoo".